Hospitality is a big word. Everyone has a different definition of what it means to be hospitable.

If you’re like me, you immediately think of Martha Stewart, five course meals, and a super clean house – and a wave anxiety that whispers, “There’s no way I can do this.”

Even when I work up the nerve to have guests, it’s more stress than pleasure. What are we going to eat? What do we have to drink? Do these guests have dietary restrictions? What time should we invite them over? If we invite X, do we have to invite Y or Y and Z, too? By the time we’ve answered these questions, I’m overwhelmed with ideas and already tired of the prospect of these hypothetical guests.

I know it doesn’t have to be this way. I’m a confident hostess when it comes to accommodating guests in our short-term rental business. I have a good handle on what guests will need, what they’ll appreciate, and the extras that make a stay special in our homes. So why can’t I do the same for personal guests?

The difference for me is confidence. Where does this gaping lack of confidence come from? In my case, the confidence I’m missing can be found directly in the kitchen. I come from a long line of great home cooks, had a chef as a roommate for several years, and am married to someone who can make pretty much anything. When you’re surrounded by people who are great at something, and you’re burning grilled cheese sandwiches, it can be an intimidating lack of skill that cripples your confidence. If I can’t offer you something decent to eat, is there even a point in being hospitable?

The reality is hospitality is more than the drinks you serve or the food you’ve prepared to eat. Hospitality is about how you make people feel in your spaces.

You don’t have to have a five-course meal to make someone feel nourished, loved, and accepted. You don’t have to show off the cleanest house in town to let people know that you care for them. You don’t have to be Martha Stewart for people to accept you. You don’t have to let your shortcomings in the kitchen or lack of confidence in your home disqualify you from being hospitable.

To that end, embrace what you have and offer it with love, generosity, and a desire to make people feel like they’re a part of your family.

If the thought of having people in your home is too scary, invite them to your favorite restaurant. If that’s too much, invite them to a picnic in a neighborhood park. Hospitality doesn’t stop within the walls of our homes.

Hospitality is an attitude – and it’s not about us. Hospitality isn’t about showing off, competition, or proving something. Those are all ideas that make hospitality self-serving. The reality of true hospitality is about the gift of belonging no matter where you might be physically. It’s about welcome, acceptance, and love.

Make the true spirit of hospitality the focus and the rest will follow.