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Have you ever sat in a meeting and thought to yourself, “Wow, this entire meeting could have been a well-written email?” Have you ever felt uncomfortable at a friend’s dinner party? Worst yet, have you been the person hosting the meeting or party that fell flat?

I can wholeheartedly answer yes to all those questions.

The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters by Priya Parker is a particularly perceptive look at all the different ways we gather. From seminars to social events, Parker’s work is full of insights about hosting events with intention. Parker comes from a diverse background and specializes in conflict resolution. Her extensive experience in the field makes her an expert on what works-and what doesn’t-when it comes to hosting all kinds of events.

Why it Matters (Even More Now)

This was a particularly interesting book to read during quarantine. Since I hadn’t been attending meetings and couldn’t host guests, it really made me stop and consider how we might start to expect more from in-person gatherings moving forward. We’ve now learned how much work and progress can be made from working remotely, but many people still long for the face to face interaction of meetings and social functions.

Despite this innate longing to be in the presence of others, I also think people will resent if these interactions aren’t more meaningful. Many of us now know certain tasks can be accomplished without a face-to-face meeting. The expectation for more meaningful interactions is going to be significantly higher now that the “this is how it’s always been done,” approach goes out the window

In light of this, now is the time to embrace much of what Parker preaches in The Art of Gathering. The book is chockful of great practical advice on how to make these types of gatherings feel like they matter.

Meet with a Purpose

One of the main points Parker makes clear is that it’s important to decide why you’re really gathering.

“There are so many good reasons for coming together that often we don’t know precisely why we are doing so. You are not alone if you skip the first step in convening people meaningfully: committing to a bold, sharp purpose...The art of gathering begins with purpose: When should we gather? And Why?”

It seems obvious, but there are so many meetings and social functions that don’t get this right. It’s not about what we’re going to do at the event, but the deeper meanings behind why the event is being held in the first place. Determining the purpose is about peeling back all the obvious assumptions and really getting to the heart of why this gathering matters. Once you’ve gotten this piece right, the planning of the event starts to develop naturally. You’ll have a much better sense of who to include, the timing, setting, and the desired outcomes that will help guide your group to a meaningful meeting.

More is Not Always Merrier

Parker also debunks the age-old adage, “the more the merrier.” She emphasizes that adding people who aren’t key to the purpose of the event can change the dynamic for those who are imperative to the purpose of the meeting. Parker states:

“You will have begun to gather with purpose when you learn to exclude with   purpose. When you learn to close the doors…Thoughtful, considered exclusion is vital to any gathering, because over-inclusion is a symptom of deeper problems—above all, a confusion about why you are gathering and a lack of commitment to your purpose and your guests.”

It never feels good to exclude someone, but it’s most certainly worst to have to cater to someone who shouldn’t be there in the first place. I’ve been to sales retreats where the entire operations staff was included even though they had no part in sales. I’ve been to so many social functions where half the group doesn’t know the other and no bridge is ever made to connect the two factions. Get clear about why you’re getting together and then let that be the determining factor as to who gets an invite.

Is this book for you?

These are just two examples of the practical wisdom Parker provides throughout the The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters. This is required reading for anyone who hosts meetings, dinner parties, or other special events. Now is the perfect time to start thinking about how we can extract more meaning from our gatherings. Post Covid Life will require it.